so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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