Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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