the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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