There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
