There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
