Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
