saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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