I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
