i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
