just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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