Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Even my vagina gasped.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
