He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
