there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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