I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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