The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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