I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You ruined the universe
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
