Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
