it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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