i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
