I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?