I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
