we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.