seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.