Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
