My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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