hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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