Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
