Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
