ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
