Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
