it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
