I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
