Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
