she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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