why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
