I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The beer is more important than you right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
