I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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