nut hugger
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize