also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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