Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
