I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
