I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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