And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
