worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
