I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
