Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
