Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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