You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
