I can tuck mytits in my pants
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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