The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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