someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
