some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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