Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
