a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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