none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
