Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i think i just lost a toe
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
