Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
