she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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